Saturday, January 21, 2006

This is not what I should be doing

The cable guy could potentially be here in 30 minutes. Or 4 hours and thirty minutes. Or anywhere in between. Bed isn't made. Floors aren't mopped. I'm not showered. As a matter of fact I'm wearing my oldest, rattiest, holiest jeans and I've been sweeping and dusting for the last hour so I'm sure I look a sight.

Both E and CPG told me to blow it off. Who fucking cares what the cable guy thinks of my housekeeping and obviously if I really did care, I've had a week to clean and haven't done it. This behavior is a major holdover from old patterns and I don't know why I still have it.

So, rather than using this half an hour to sweep and mop, I thought I would try to figure out what this is about and then take a shower before my deadline.

I just don't get this. Obviously it does bother me to have the house a mess when someone has to be here. I'm nowhere near as messy as I used to be - scary thought - but yet I just cannot make myself take that last teeny step to generally straightening before someone is going to be in the house so I must get something from this behavior. Otherise it would extinguish itself.

I'm intelligent. And, pretty self-aware. But, I just have no idea why it is that I do this to myself. No. Idea.


Blogger Debra said...

It probably won't make you feel any better, but I do it too. I hat the fact I leave my areas a mess (and like you said, I'm not as bad as I used to be) but can I ever actually just clean it up? Nope. Instead I agonize over it... for ages. *sigh*

7:38 PM  
Blogger mdmhvonpa said...


12:34 PM  
Blogger Debra said...


2:59 PM  

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