Self Sabotage

If I could change one thing about myself the tendency toward self sabotaging behavior would be the thing I would change.

I have eleven days before CPG comes to visit. I had seventeen. I've already wasted six.

I DO want him to come visit. I DON'T want to be stressed out and unhappy that the house is either still a disaster or that I'm exhausted from cleaning.

So, why am I blogging and considering nap number two rather than getting something useful done?

I have never finished writing a paper earlier than the night before it was due. I almost never pay a bill until I have to have to although I am getting better about that. I've never gotten a site done early. I just cannot do stuff until it is literally do or die.

I recognize it as being self sabotaging. I'm aware that it would be practical to block out an hour a day for the next ten days to get the house nice and tidy.

Something about me likes that state of stress.

I'm going to take a nap.