and we have agitation!

Not the bad kind. The washing machine kind! I don't think anyone understands how happy it makes me to have a washer and dryer. It only took two days, about a dozen phone calls and 3 favors to get it up and running. I am doing my first load (pinks, what else?) as I type this.

Otherwise though I seem to be in a bit of a funk. I think it is year end/year beginning stuff. I just have the blahs.

I've never liked New Year's Eve. As a hard drinking relative of mine used to say, New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day are for amatuers. I'm the one who never drinks or goes out on NYE and hence gets called at 3 a.m. to give some acquaintance a ride home from a party. NYE and birthdays are never actually fun because there is just too much pressure to HAVE FUN on them. Nothing can live up to that.

So, I bought some favorite treats, a new Dana Stabenow novel (Kate Shugak is back baby!) and my only plan is to give myself a pedicure with a kit I got for Christmas.

I hope you guys get to do what you enjoy doing for NYE.

Oh, and I have a post holiday card for everyone. I'm missing Debra's, Jessica's, mdmh's, Angie's (new), and Pup's (new) addresses. So, if you want your cards, send me your info.

busybusybusy

Numbness: basically gone but I fell walking dogs yesterday and have messed my right pinky finger up. I don't think it's broken but it huwts. A lot.

Christmas: no fights, very little stress. I made Flying Spaghetti Monster crackers for Christmas Eve. Pirate hats, teeny dinosaurs, bubbles and pirate action figures. I'm going to send a photo in for "sightings". I felt very hip.

Online: DTD wants a new website. My rules are that he cannot be unpleasant to me and that he can't harrass me to get it done. CPG is gone until after the new year. I've got to get BTD's site up. The design is just so dreadful I can barely stand to do it.

Other: I genuinely love to do laundry. It's the only household task I really like. I don't have a washer or dryer. Haven't in more than ten years. I hate the laundromat. It's depressing. A friend of mine knows someone who needs to get rid of one and I found someone who can go get it, haul it over here and get it set up for me. But all of this has to take place tomorrow which means I have to get everything out of the way in the utility room and generally get the house straightened up so I won't be mortified when they come in to install the washer and dryer. With a hurt finger. Deadlines are good though. They make things get done.

That was weird.

So, yesterday the numbness mostly went away. There was never any weakness. My hands are always a little numb and both are more so than usual now. I felt like I was walking around with fire ants in my shoes yesterday, my feet itched so terribly. And, the left side of my face is still a tiny bit tingly but basically, whatever this was, seems to have gone away.

I should just be glad but the whole thing was just too fucking weird. I mean seriously, it was weird.

Everything was all numb, the dog had that seizure, I wash everything in the house, switch to a brand new down comforter and boom, it goes away.

In other news, the realtors finally paid me and I've now spent almost every cent of the money on gifts. I'm mad at CPG and BTD. It's petty and my own fault but that doesn't make the hurt feelings any better. Or any less valid dammit!

Happy Holidays and all that.

She's a CoverDog!

Yeah, it's pathetic that I'm blogging at 10:41 on a Saturday night. This numbness thing is just generally driving me crazy.

Good news: unbeknownst to me, the little white dog was voted onto the cover of a Frisbee Dog Calendar!

I think that photo is a strange choice as well. You guys have seen photos of her catching discs in the air. I don't know why it was chosen but hey, we'll take what we can get, ya know?

That's pretty much it.

Am I crazy?

When I first got sick both the dogs I had at the time (the brown one I have now and her 1/2 brother) had seriously weird neurological seeming events. Not seizures exactly. Very brief periods where they just could not move their limbs normally. As though their muscles had completely seized up on them.

Yesterday I wake up with my entire left side numb and some weakness in my left arm. Later, the brown dog had another one of these events.

I haven't had anything this severe since that first incident and the dog has never had another one of these events.

My dogs sleep on my bed, eat a lot of what I eat and go pretty much everywhere I go.

What if there is something fucked up with my immune system or CNS from that first incident - remember that I wound up hospitalized with menegitis, one neuro said it was viral, one said it was just the ms, the infectious disease specialist strongly believed it was bacterial from this weird bacteria that doesn't have cell walls so won't grow in a culture but which I had an alarmingly high level of when I was tested for it - but what if it isn't normal MS? What if that first neuro was just desperately trying to cover his ass on the menegitis from spinal tap issue and rushed me into an MS diagnosis and now I'm stuck with that label so no one is looking for anything else?

What if the whole thing started with exposure to some chemical and that's what happened yesterday with both me and the dog?

It's just too weird that I haven't had anything like this for years and all the sudden I have this huge flare up and and the dog has a neurological incident at the exact same time.

The numbness is still there. The weakness is less today. I can actually hit my nose with my left index finger today.

I don't know quite what to do about this other than give the dog a bath, change my sheets, do major laundry, wash everything in the house/truck and try to prevent re-exposure.

Fabulous

I know it was bound to happen. And that actually I'm pretty lucky about this stuff. But really, I don't have enough bad stuff right now?

K, I'm giving in to flat out whining.

It's my blog, I can whine if I want to.

Woke up this morning with the left side of my face numb and my left arm all fucked up.

It's not my legs. It's not optic neuritus.

I am so fucking tired of having to look on the bright side of my MS.

It pisses me off!

Angst-mas indeed!

I actually had a lovely time with J (gave me the bird) when I went to visit the other night. We hung out with her birds for a bit then, when it appeared she didn't have anything better to do, I invited her out for coffee. We had a good time. She was complaining that she has a horrible time trying to make friends. It was all I could do not to say, "Good! Now I can monopolize all your time and we can be best friends!"

Don't worry, I restrained myself.

Really, my delightful and caring clients are the only thing keeping me from the deep end right now. I know it's just a bad time and it will go away and be fine again but that doesn't actually make it a whole lot less icky for the here and now.

I can feel the lexapro helping. Well, the lex and that I've come out on the other side of this stuff before. I've just got to get through Christ...er...ANGSTmas and then it'll smooth out from there I'm sure.

In the meantime, mdmh stuck me with the five weird habits stick.

I'm too messy/slobby/lazy to have a lot of OCDish habits.

1. I kiss my fingers and hit the roof of the car, saying "no cops" anytime I run a red light. I've never gotten a ticket for running a red light.

2. I cannot fall asleep without reading first. Even if I've been drinking and am all but passed out it is seriously unusual for me not to read myself to sleep.

3. I make a wish if I happen to notice it is 11:11 and I keep wishing until 11:12.

4. I hate bookmarks. I always dogear. It is very intentional.

5.

I can't think of anything else! Since I only got 4/5ths of the meme done, I'll only stick two people with it: Pup and Debra, consider yourselves stuck!

I'm still alive.

Sorry, I didn't mean to drop off the blogsphere. I'm still really depressed about the bird. I'm barely managing to make myself do the absolutely, positively, has to, has to, HAS TO get done stuff.

I did a lesson with a client in a pet store that had a bird just like the one I had yesterday. It was plucked almost bare and terribly stressed out. Clipped of course. I almost started crying and then had to talk my client out of buying the bird for me.

I'm now thinking of getting one of these. A bit bigger than the diva, supposed to be great talkers and very laid back.

I'm going over to the people who gave me the diva's house tonight. They're so nice but I know it is going to make me sad to see my bird's parents.

In addition to being depressed and sad about the bird, I'm stressed about money and never really psyched about Christmas anyway.

So, it's just a bad month. Bad months end. The sun'll come out tomorrow...blah blah blah.