It's always something with me

On Friday, my brother and I took the bird here to fly. She misjudged a landing and was on the ground about seven feet in front of us when a freakin' hawk swooped down and killed her.

I miss her so much.

This is insane but that bird changed my life.

She was so tiny and so joyful.

She didn't make it even quite nine months but she lived every single one of those days to the absolute fullest. She demanded that things be brought up to her standards.

She just made me happy.

Tryptophan

Very strange dream last night involving lesbians, a used bookstore, 2 grocery stores, dogs, a small town, high school teachers and car insurance. Seriously weird.

My mother's dog almost ate my bird yesterday. Rather alarming. I was extremely calm about it. Based on everyone else's reactions the Lexapro is definitely having a positive effect.

A few weeks ago there was an announcement I am too lazy to look back up to link to about tryptophan's positive effects on MS. Tryptophan increases seratonin. Lexapro inhibits the uptake of seratonin meaning that it gets to float around in my brain longer. You can buy trptophan supplements over the counter but I've had no luck finding them and I'm frankly a tiny bit worried about taking it since I had such a dreadful reaction to the 10mg Lexapro dosage. I suppose I am going to order some just to see what if anything it does to me.

Anyway, enjoy your natural tryptophan. Remember that your family isn't as dreadful as you think. And watch at least fifteen minutes of the parade.

Argh!

Me: I think DTD yelled at the mechanic for fucking up last time 'cause he was so freakin' nice today. Plus I think he's like mega curious about our relationship.
CPG: Yours and my relationship?
Me: ...?
Me: DTD's and my relationship. You and I don't have a relationship!!!

Okay, DTD and I don't have a relationship either but I have known him for like ten years and he did set me up with this mechanic who is a buddy of his and does know that I've known DTD for ages and that I'm like under his protection or whatever. I mean, if I really needed help with something DTD would help me. I mean, he did yell at the mechanic for fucking up last time and the mechanic was mega nice yesterday. The way that I explain it to people anymore is that I would trust him with my life and with any dog training problem but other than that...

So, how sad is it that I trust DTD more than I trust CPG? And what was with him assuming that I was talking about some imaginary relationship between he and I? Him and me? Whatever.

He obviously wasn't listening to me 'cause I was clearly talking about DTD but how weird that he zoned out and then just assumed that I was referring to him.

Oh and yeah, Bubba had to get a new alternator yesterday. Blah.

I'm fine, dammit

Me: I'm fine.
CPG: Liar.
Me: We've had this conversation.
CPG: Then tell me the truth and we can stop having it.
Me: I told you, it's nothing I can discuss with you.

I mean, that's pretty much it. It was a major theme of Grey's Anatomy last week. The person who broke your heart can't help you get over it.

And I am. Fine. I'm fine. Really. I am. I need to stop spending money but it beats eating ice cream as a coping mechanism I suppose. Okay, probably not 'cause it would be a lot better if I saved money than spent it and at least ice cream is cheap but whatever.

Boo Fucking Hoo

This isn't a "oh poor CC" post. I'm only writing this to keep track of this sort of thing. I just feel sad. Like these horrible waves of sadness. I don't even know how to explain it and it isn't about anything in particular. I'm not mad. I'm not unhappy. I feel fine basically. Just really, really sad. It's more than a little peculiar. It isn't a pms thing. Everything is exactly the same as it was yesterday. I just feel unbearably sad. Like I could sit down and just bawl but I don't have the energy to do so. I don't recall ever feeling like this before. And it's like it isn't even me that feels sad. It almost feels like there is some other sad entity who has just taken up residence for the day in my head. You know the ghost in Harry Potter that would make girls cry in the bathroom? It's like that.

Honk if...

You're bidding on this:

...for your bird of course.

No? Well maybe you just won an auction on this:

...for your bird of course.

No? Well surely you just won an auction on this:

...for CPG's birds.

K, I have gotta stop spending money! Especially on CPG. Just in the last week I have gotten little holiday hats for his birds, the m&m thing and now this. He calls me all the time. I want more than this but would ultimately be satisfied with a lot less than he claims to need and it is just making me unhappy.

Whoa! This just in, my father just called and told me that he is never voting republican again! Said he'd vote for Hilary even! The man who voted for dubyass TWICE!

But, I digress. Where was I? Oh yeah, CPG makes me unhappy. The bird, obviously, doesn't. That's part of the problem. He's kind of intertwined with the whole bird thing. I'm getting her acclimated to the tutu! And I got her to say, "hello" today.

I've tentatively tried to bring up the topic with CPG but he just ignores it. Does being passive agressive come with the penis thing or something? I can't make myself just not have anything to do with him and the lines are just blurred when we do communicate. He was actually flirting with me the other day.

Whittling Away

• This weekend
1. Wash windows before barbarian returns to replace storm windows.
2. Work on lgd.com
1. Photo of The Diva in TUTU!!!
2. Photo Gallery
3. Training Journal
4. Flash
5. Fairy Tale
   
3. finish putting up shelves for storage!
4. Work on some tricks with F
5. tweak evil site
1. neighborhoods
2. malls

• Sometime
1. see about increasing hosting package
2. move DTD's sites and CC site
3. L's bathroom, my kitchen sink

Progress has been made! Man it feels good to have the vast majority of the evil site behind me!!! You have no idea! It will be fun to get back to work on lgd.com too. Hell, it'll be fun to get the stupid windows washed. At least that isn't fucking with a stupid real estate web site! Good day today, took the bird with me to the park. Some guy sat in his truck and watched us the entire time we were there. I couldn't decide whether to be creeped out or flattered.

How. Cute. Is. That?!?

Can you believe I found a Diva sized tutu at Michaels??? And DIVA foam stickers? In PINK?!?

I know! I was blown away by it too ;-)

Made much headway on the evil site today. Ordered some of these for CPG. The reason I'm not being all bitchy to him right this second is 'cause he's got some serious back problems and is in a considerable amount of pain at the moment.

Pretty good day really.

Make it go away!

The site from hell seems to just keep growing. Almost done with the property listings, last night I found something in the ones I had already done that they hadn't told me had to be changed but looked to me like it absolutely had to be. At least they seem to get that most of this is totally not on me since no one gave me a complete list of changes.

The client whose dog died a few weeks ago has a rescue dog that I am training for her. She came with me to the park yesterday for a lesson and brought her other dog with her who promptly got into a fight with one of the labs and got bitten. It wasn't serious and I wouldn't have taken one of my own dogs to the vet over it but she's a bit of an hysteric so I immediately told her to take the dog to the vet and get it checked out. She's not upset but still, not a good thing.

Odd CPG interaction last night. This just is not healthy. Too much like DTD. I mean, not that he's mean and controlling, just...I dunno. Not healthy.

More complete list

1. Wash windows before barbarian returns to replace storm windows.
2. laundry
3. bank
4. treats for F's lesson in the park!!
5. finish putting up shelves for storage!
6. Get the site from fucking hell done so I can get fucking paid!!!!!!


1. 5 "meet" pages
2. mortgage
3. hot properties (30 pages)
4. neighborhoods
5. malls
6. contact (check emails)


7. Update CPG's site. 'Cause you know it made the most sense to get the one thing that isn't for me and that I'm not making any money from and was for someone who doesn't even care if I fuck strange gas dudes done first.


1. New photo
2. get rid of comments and add "feedback" page
3. new products
4. Promo greeting card sale


8. see about increasing hosting package
9. move DTD's sites and CC site
10. L's bathroom, my kitchen sink
11. Work on lgd.com


1. Photo Gallery
2. Training Journal
3. Flash
4. Fairy Tale
   

That so just makes me want to take a damn nap. I spent most of yesterday afternoon frantically working on the site from hell and dealing with the fact that the local gas company had turned my gas off to work on the lines and wouldn't/couldn't tell me when they would turn it back on and repeatedly wandered around my back yard leaving my damn gate open! But, the guy who did eventually turn up to turn it back on was cute, flirty and immediately struck up a conversation with me about smoking pot - L said, "I always find that is a good ice breaker!"

CPG was completely sanguine about gas dude (hey, at least he isn't gas dude 'cause he works at a convenience store!) which sort of bothered me. Okay, it bothered me a lot! I mean, why would you call a girl every single night if you still really considered things over to the point where it wouldn't bother you if she was fucking some other guy? I don't get that.

One of those.

Yup. Life is spinning out of control a little, time for a ToDo post.

1. Wash windows before barbarian returns to replace storm windows.
2. Get the site from fucking hell done so I can get fucking paid!!!!!!
3. Update CPG's site.
4. Work on lgd.com
1. Photo Gallery
2. Training Journal
3. Flash
4. Fairy Tale
   

Hey, something cool happened yesterday about that though! I started putting some feelers out last weekend about possibly buying a mate for the bird. I want a baby so I can raise him and get him flying outside. They aren't old enough to mate until they're like 2 or 3 years old so it is a while down the road. A woman emailed me back and offerred to give me a baby bird if I would train one of her birds to fly outside. She even wanted to advertise me as a freakin' bird trainer!!! Me who doesn't even want to advertise as a dog trainer and have only had ONE bird in my entire freakin' life! BTD kind of stomped on the +R rush I got from it but I rebounded.

Whew

As Ms. A.R. predicted, today is a new day. I had a major Alltell problem yesterday but I calmly spent 45 minutes dealing with them this morning and while it is almost undoubtedly not going to help my credit rating that I dispute these charges at least it isn't going to interfere with my regular service or put me in the poor house.

In the middle of the Alltell problems yesterday my computer also started going bonkers but that also seems to have remedied itself. And Blogger wouldn't let me post this photo:



To a client's blog. The dog on the left is the client's dog that I am training. She called me Wednesday morning because she was convinced that her dog had eaten my bird and I was furious with her. This is the rescue dog who is supposedly viscious with other dogs (middle dog is my malinut, Pug is a client's) and runs away all the time. He's got a 20' long line on but the other end isn't attached to anything, just there in case I need to grab him. The bird could fly anywhere she wants to but always flies right back to me. I take a really pathetic amount of confidence from the bird training thing and knowing that only about a hundred people in the country fly their pet birds outside.

But c'mon, four dogs (the other Pug did not feel like being photographed yesterday) for all intents and purposes off leash in a public park holding a stay while a bird flies over their heads? And the bird is obeying a recall cue from me? And this was after walking 5 other dogs with the bird sitting on my shoulder (yes, Brian I am now the pirate's pet sitter, dammit!)

Anyway, makes me feel cool.

Argh!

Not. Having. Good. Day!!!!!

More Diva

I think this is my favorite. Especially since it is so appropriate for the moment, the diva herself is tucked between my arm and my side making her little sleepy clucks.

I even added them as a Camisole and Tweet Dreams Thong to the diva's cafepress shop.